Waiting for Bread

     God is faithful.
     My heart is moved to say these words, even as my prayers for the sale of our home in Beaumont have not been answered in the ways I have asked.
     The scriptures (Matthew 7:9-10) instruct us to "ask in Jesus' name,"and those petitions will be granted. "Which of you, if his child asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?"
     The Prayer Team at our church has been faithfully lifting up our petitions (as have my wife and I) over the past two months. We have asked -- at the Prayer Team's request -- to pray for specific things like bread and fish. We prayed for a certain percentage of our asking price and for the house to sell on a certain timeline. And now, we are past that timeline.
     A part of me wants to say my prayers were ineffective and that the Scripture passage did not hold up to be true. But the Spirit reminds me of some good things this morning:
     One. God is not my vending machine, who will give me stuff when I pop in a quarter or quote a passage of Scripture. God is God. God makes the decisions and answers prayers the ways he sees fit.
     Two. God is not bound by my sense of chronos time. God does not wear a stopwatch or operate by the Gregorian calendar.
     Three. God is aware of my needs and the needs of my family. God will not give us a stone or a snake when we have asked for bread and fish. God will provide for the sale of our home.
     Four. Prayer is critical in this process. God is deepening our dependence upon him. God is bringing more and more people into the process of prayer for this specific request. God will be glorified as more and more people join in on this process.
     Five. We don't have it so bad. There are other prayer needs in the world far more critical than ours. As I write this, I am sitting on the back porch of my father-in-law's home on a cool, 70-degree morning in Texas, drinking a bold cup of coffee and relaxing with the family on a day off. That does not mean my prayer need is not important to God, but I realize that God is already providing for my needs and the needs of my family.
     These are just a few of my reflections on a prayer journey of mine.
     Do I want the house to sell ASAP? You betcha.
     Is our family feeling the pinch as we await its sale? Yes.
     But still I say that God is faithful.
     The bread is coming.

Let's Split the American Dream

     As I drive around Plano, Frisco, McKinney, Prosper, et. al., in the norther suburbs of Dallas, I have trouble grasping the macro-economics for the region. There are SO many houses that fall into the $250,000-plus range. It is one row after another of nice, brick homes, each demanding an easy $3,000 mortgage payment each month.
     That is 1/4 of a million dollars for lodging!
     Tack on another $25,000 for a new car every 5 or so years, each with a 3-5 year car note for $350-$500 per month. Add on power bills ($200-$250 per month), food ($500 per month easy for a family of 6), doctor/dentist bills, and other necessities, and what is left for "disposable" income?
     How in the world do so many thousands of families in this region support such a lifestyle? How can there possibly be enough good-paying jobs, particularly with the bad state of our economy?
I'm no economist, but my mind cannot seem to grasp this concept.
     Right now, our family is living between two worlds. We are so fortunate to live mortgage-free with family in a beautiful home in a beautiful neck of the woods, as we await our house to sell in Beaumont. After that time, we will dump some debt and then save for a downpayment on our next home. But I can't help thinking that much of what I see in the hundreds of housing developments around me is a facade.
     Call me skeptical, but a large percentage of the homeowners in these parts have to be living beyond their means. In other words, I wonder what the average (non-mortgage) debt is for the average family in this part of the country. What are the foreclosure rates? And are homeowners here really different than any place else in America?
     I wonder if we might be better off teaming up as friends and family and "going in" on a house together. Split the mortgage bills and the utilities. Share vehicles and drive each other's kids to baseball and soccer practice.
     This is easy for me to say, as a homeless father of 6 with too much debt as it is, but I wonder if things might be easier for us all if we teamed up to live the American Dream.

Trash Clans and Clunkers

     Just got done reading a few chapters of Elizabeth Royte's Garbage Land: On the Secret Trail of Trash.
     Interesting. Troubling. Inspiring. Entertaining.
     No, this is not a book review or anything. I'm just thinking about some cool, personal project ideas -- projects that could feed me personally, help our family, and help me understand the "trash" and "gas" side of confronting consumerism.
     Here is one idea:
     1. Visit my local IESI landfill and recycling centers and see if I can get the grand tour. Figure out what happens with my trash locally after I stick it in the trash can.
     2. Weigh my trash for one day. See if I really generate the EPA-reported 4.3 pounds (per person) of garbage each day (1.31 tons per year).
     3. Measure the trash for one day when I recycle plastics and glass, and note the difference in pounds/ounces.
     4. Measure the weight of my trash for one day when I put organic scraps in my vermi-hut composter.
     5. Measure the weight for a day when I do both (recycle and compost).
     I'm just curious what difference little things like this make. Is it worth it to undertake a project like this, or just a waste of time? If nothing else, it would be good for me spiritually.
     The problem with these environmental/personal stewardship projects is that they often cost money. I had to spend $ on my vermihut composter, and still have to save up for my first shipment of red wiggler worms.
     On a separate note, my wife and I are concerned with how much money we spend on gas going to and from Plano. It is a half-hour drive each way, and we probably take 10 trips back-and-forth each week. That comes out to about 450 miles every week combined on our '99 Suburban and 2005 Ford F-150 pickup. Both get about 15 miles per gallon, which comes to 30 gallons and about $80 per week. This does not include other trips around town.
     But what are the options for a low-middle class family of 6? Trade in the Suburban (AKA: "The Blue Bomber"), which in 3 months will be paid for? Move our family again, and force our kids to acclimate to new, much larger schools yet again? Go into major debt just to buy a new, high-mileage car that can seat our whole family? The answers aren't so easy.
     Some environmental/personal stewardship projects, in reality, take money and means to make happen. It is not yet practical for everyday families like ours.

A Cool Saturday

     I'm sitting out back today enjoying some 70-degree North Texas weather. It doesn't come every day, so I'm chillaxin' on the back porch with a cup of coffee and a book, enjoying it as long as I can.
     College football starts today. I'm trying as hard as I can not to get swept up in football fever this year, so I spend more time outside and hanging with the family on days off rather than cooped up in front of the TV. Maybe I will catch a few games as I come in and out of the house.
     I preach my first sermon tomorrow at Grace Presbyterian Church, Plano, TX. Kind of nervous and relaxed all at the same time. It's been about 2 months since I preached my last sermon, and of course I want to get off to a good start in the pulpit at Grace. I'm preaching on the healing of the royal official's son, starting in the last part of John 4. In the message, I wrestle with how the royal official was able to take Jesus "at his word" and believe that he would heal his son. This is hard for us, to say the least. We have a lot of baggage  about previous prayer requests that have gone "unanswered," and I think we are very gun-shy about taking Jesus at his word today. I will share some of my prayer "busts" -- prayers that I poured my heart and soul into, prayers in which I have taken Jesus at his word, and prayers that have come up "empty."
     How do we get the courage to walk again into the realm of openness to the miraculous, brought about by the grace of God and our prayers?
     These are some of the things I will explore and challenge us to wrestle with.
     Other than that, I will just be stone-cold chillin' today with the family, and an occasional trip to the TV for Alabama and Penn State football updates.

A Vegan Identity Crisis

      I've been at this whole vegan diet thing now for about 8 months, and I'm not sure anymore if I can technically classify myself as a vegan since I occasionally (and more regularly, it seems) ingest meats.
     There comes a time about once a week where something goes crazy in my body, and I think it is a cry for meat or protein. I satisfied that craving last night with a run to Wendy's for a chicken sandwich and some chili (someone absolve me from my sins, please!).
     Also, when I am not eating meats and staying on the straight-and-narrow with the vegan diet, I overcompensate for my lack of comfort food by pigging out on potato chips and French fries. You can be what is called a "junk food vegan," where you do not eat animal products but do eat a lot of junk.
     So lately I am kind of going through an identity crisis. But maybe being a vegan (like being a Christian) does not depend upon perfect adherence to a set of rules and regs. Maybe there can be a measure of grace in this lifestyle and that I can identify with a diet I am faithful to 90 percent of the time.
     Or perhaps a better thing to say -- so that I can dump all of the baggage associated with the term "vegan" -- is to say I am on a plant-based diet. Michael Pollan uses this phrase, and it is not so much a name/identity as it is a philosophy of eating:
          1. Eat food (real food).
          2. Don't eat too much food.
          3. Eat mostly plants.
     In other words, if you eat meat at all, it should be in small amounts or occasional.
     Not sure where this puts me. All I know is that I have hit a wall with the extremes of veganism, and think it may be time to back up a little bit and settle into something more sustainable.
     The wrestling continues...

An Innocent Trip to the Mall

     I needed an eye exam and new eyeglasses this week, and so my insurance pointed me in the direction of Stone Briar Mall in Frisco.
     No problems, right?
     But driving around the mall, the confusion started. How do I access this monster? The Food Court, Macy’s, Dick’s Sporting Goods, JCPenney? Is there a “neutral” entrance in this place?
     Well, I had my kids with me, so it was a no-brainer that we park and enter at Dick’s so they could show me the wooden baseball bats they want to buy, or the newest Crocs on display, or the latest Under Armour styles.
     I held my ground, but we still had 45 minutes to kill before my 3 o’clock eye appointment. I gave the boys freedom to explore Dick’s for a half hour as my daughter and I strolled through the Hollister store, Justice, Build-A-Bear, and the Lego store. My eyes were drawn to the Starbucks stand in the middle of the mall, the shoe store, and I must confess, the Lego store (I would love to dispense a million little plastic blocks into a brown grocery bag and build stuff all day with the kids.)
     Fortunately, we avoided impulse purchases and settled for a few Happy Hour slushes at Sonic in the food court and a few slices of Sbarro pizza.
     I came away pretty much unscathed, but it was not easy!
     What did I learn from this adventure? You can walk into the mall with one clear focus, and leave the store with literally a dozen or more new desires.
     I didn’t know I “needed” a new pair of brown, suede-like Crocs until I saw them at Dick’s.
     I didn’t know my family “needed” Legos to enjoy a family craft project until I walked into the Lego store.
     I didn’t know I “needed” Hilfiger eyeglass frames until I saw that sporty-looking eyeglass model wearing them on the display case advertisements.
     A trip to the mall has a way of exposes our “needs.”
     Valerie Weaver-Zercher, in a 2008 article in The Mennonite magazine, highlights some work by scholar John Haughey on the Greek New Testament word “pleonexia,” which describes what we know as “greed, avarice, or covetousness.”
      In the article, pleonexia is described as “an insatiability for more of what I already experience or have.” The word is used in Luke 12:15, where Christ warns us to “be on your guard against all kinds of greed (pleonexia).”
     The title of her article is a question: “Do You Have Pleonexia?”
     My answer to her question is an undoubted “yes,” which is all the more reason I need to be on guard when I walked through the doors of the Stone Briar Mall, or any mall for that matter.
     Or better yet, maybe I will just find a new place to buy my eyeglasses!

Lessons from the Gulf Cleanup

     I watched a powerful CNN segment last night on the cleanup efforts in the Gulf. It chronicled the daily adventures of a Coast Guard crew that endures 100-plus degree temperatures on deck (wearing those yellow, plastic "chicken suits") skimming oil from the water's surface. The work that this crew contributes (and all cleanup crews contribte) daily to the Gulf-wide cleanup efforts could be so frustrating, and seemingly pointless, if they thought for a moment that they were doing it alone.
     How could they work each day if they believed the "redemption" of the Gulf was their mission alone.
     No, they focused on the mess in front of them, did their best to suck it out of the Gulf, and then disposed of it properly.
     Another cleanup crew rescued 41 birds off the Florida coast, cleaned them up, restored them to health, and released them in the Aransas refuge on the Texas coast.
     Another crew scooped up tar balls out of a 100-yard stretch of sand, only to watch more tar balls wash on shore the following day.
     The work of each crew is a drop in the bucket, but so significant because they are agents of a larger clean-up effort across the Gulf.
     Their work has reminded me of some imporant things. The first is that I cannot save the world. We cannot save the world.
     As much as our narcissism would convince us that the sun rises and sets with us and the choices (good and bad) that we make, and the actions that we take, redemption of all creation is a job for our Savior, and our Savior alone. All we can do is participate in some small way in Christ's reconciling work in the world.
     That means we do not have to carry the burden of redeeming every broken thing in our lives and in the  world.
     What a load off our shoulders this should be.
     But it also shows me that we cannot sit idly and not participate in God's redeeming work. Whether it is the Gulf cleanup, or cutting back on the goods that I consume, or being a friend to one person who previously had no friend, or sponsoring a child through missions like World Vision, we are all called to "put on the uniform" and get to work in some small way.
     There is plenty of work to be done.

"We know that the whole creation has been groaning in labor pains until not; and not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly while we wait for adoption, the redemption of our bodies." (Romans 8:22-23)

Out of My Routine

     I am a creature of habit. Take me out of my routine, and I feel like Samson without his locks.
     The Enemy, of course, knows this, and rejoices. Me, I just keep putting one foot in front of the other each day as I live between two worlds: Beamont and Dallas. I preach my last sermon this Sunday at Saint Andrews, and we await the congregational vote this Sunday at Grace.
     It can't come soon enough!
     I have seen my family probably five days over the past month-and-a-half. I never knew how difficult this would be! Sure, it's crazy when we are all together -- the loudness, the television, shuffling to-from activities, cleaning up messes. But man, they give structure to my day and keep me on track.
     I guess this time alone has revealed just how much I need to better develop personal disciplines and healthy habits, and lean more on the strength of the Lord. It also has revealed how much I depend upon others and how much meaning my family brings to my life. I guess I will have to accept that I am not a self-made man, by any stretch!
     The family returns to me this Tuesday for our final week in Beaumont, and I can't wait to see them.
     When I finally start at Grace in mid-August, it is time to get down to business: Get back into a running routine, stop eating out so much, and return to "budgeted" living with our time and resources.
     And of course, getting down to business means getting to work at Grace!
     Until then, I continue saying farewells to the many folks who have touched our lives here in Beaumont. I have participated in many "last" things over the past few weeks -- my last Wednesday Night Bible Study, my last Lamar Bible study, my last Youth Sunday School Class, my last Junior High Sunday School Class, my last sermon, my last Monday Morning Bible Study, et. al.
     I am blessed to have these "last" opportunities at St. Andrews as  approach my last week.
     Being out of my routine is what I have been called to do over the past month-and-a-half, but I long for the structure that a new routine will bring.

It's Not All Good

     I led my last Bible study last night at Lamar University (weep, weep).
     Cliche, I know, but it was a sad and joyful occasion.
     Sad because I said goodbye to some awesome students who have been so faithful to WONE Ministry over the past three years. Sad because I said goodbye to a ministry that fed me, even as I helped feed them. Thanks to Jonathan, Whitney, Marissa, Katie, Marcus, Courtney, and so many other students who poured themselves into this ministry and helped St. Andrews get a Presbyterian presence (for the first time in 20-25 years) at LU.
     It was a joyful occasion because the ministry, under Julie's direction, is headed in the right direction. We started off as Israelites wandering in the desert, moving from building to building looking for a home. We have now found a home in the Communications Lounge for our Monday night Bible study, and are doing a variety of fellowship and missions activities that take us out into the world.
     It's pretty cool to take a big picture look at this ministry since we started back in fall of 2007.
     When it came time to crack open our Bibles last night, we spent 30 minutes on half of one verse -- Romans 12:2a ("Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds.")
     The take-home message:
     1. World -- not all good; not all bad. Go with the flow on the good stuff; swim upstream against the bad.
     2. Be Changed -- The only way we can keep from "going with the flow" is to be changed time and time again by the power of the Holy Spirit. Transformation is not a one-time deal, when we accept Jesus as our Lord and Savior, but a lifetime process.
     3. Renew Your Mind -- Some of us renew our thinking about the patterns of this world by taking a run, taking a nap, attending Bible study, nurturing genuine Christian friendships (where there is accountability), and prayer. We need to find our style, and our unique ways of renewing our minds, or we will not be able to make it up-stream.
     I see so many tie-ins for me personally, as I wrestle with the "Consumer Project." There are so many consumer demands that we face on a daily basis: Buy this, eat that, drink this, take this medicine, drive that, own this, wear that, etc....
     If I do not renew my mind, I will be swept away by every cultural current and unable to judge between what is good for me (and my family, and my congregation, and my neighbors, and Creation) and what things I need to let pass by. We can't do it all and shouldn't do it all. Or in other words: "It's not all good."
     Now that's good stuff!
     Blessings!

Vegan Experiment: Part II

     On New Year's Day, 2010, I made the shift to the vegan diet. That means no meats, no milk products, no eggs, no animal products.
     Part I of the journey, which ended in May, went awesome. I lowered my cholesterol by at least 45 points, without the aid of medicine, and I really did not have a regular exercise routine during this time (which would have brought the points total down even lower.) I allowed myself, during this first phase, to "eat the fattened calf." In other words, once a month, I allowed myself to indulge in some old favorites like barbecue and briskett.
     The biggest challenge of going vegan, no doubt, was finding an adequate substitute for sweets like doughnuts, muffins, etc... There is nothing like a good blueberry muffin with your morning coffee.
So what did I eat during this time?
     Dinner could include whole grain pasta and marinara with veggies on top, or perhaps brown rice with stir-fried veggies, or a mexican sald with beans, salsa, onions, etc.... My breakfast favorite is whole grain toast with "natural" peanut butter (the kind with only five ingredients) and some good fruit spread. I also occasionally got my cereal fix with some whole grain cereal and almond/rice milk.
Lunch is more difficult, but of course veggie burgers (make sure they are not made with cheese) and the Veggie sub at Subway (sans cheese and dairy spreads) are old standbies.
     Phase I crumbled in mid-June, culmnating in my carnivorous binge in Austin during my two weeks of study leave. I am slowly getting back to where I was in May, but it continues to be a challenge.      Everywhere I go there are foods made with animal products, from French toast to homemade biscuits.
     My hope is that I can go hard-core vegan by September, after our family relocates to north Texas.
My goal: Get my cholesterol below 150 (at the recommendation of Rip Esselstyn, in his book The Engine 23 Diet), and my weight down to 210 (currenty struggling to stay at 230). Weight Watchers got me from 262 to 232, until I could no longer stand the legalism of counting points. Hopefully the vegan lifestyle will lead me home.
     The reasons for embracing the vegan lifestyle are several: lower cholesterol and weight to appropriate levels, to avoid heart disease, diabetes, and a host of other illnesses that have been linked to the western diet (read Colin Campbell, The China Study). And as stated in yesterday's blog, I am also becoming more educated on some serious problems with our food production and eating habits in this country. There are a whole constellation of ethical and social justice issues that convince me more and more that veganism is the way to go.
     Bon Appetit.

Christian and Consumer

For the past two years, I have explored how to live more faithfully and fruitfully as a Christian disciple living in a consumer culture:

• I have tried to gain greater control over the foods I eat, and have slowly transitioned to a vegan lifestyle. The journey has opened me, personally, to many physical and spiritual blessings. It has also opened my eyes to ethical and social issues at play with farming and food production in this country. Before this journey began, I rarely considered this discipline as related to our Christian faith and witness.
• I have examined how my family and I handle financial resources. My wife and I wrestle over what constitute "necessities" and "luxuries" in our budget, and how we can live more consistently within our means. I have enjoyed teachings by Dave Ramsey, and others, in this regard.
• I am conducting mini-experiments/feasibility studies, just for giggles. For instance, I investigated becoming a one-car family, and how this would affect us logistically as a family of six. I explored trading in our gas-guzzling '99 Suburban for a hybrid or even a high-mileage scooter, but succumbed to the realities of (in)convenience and the increased monthly car-note payments that would come with purchasing an environmental-friendly car.
• I am researching macro-economics, micro-economics, sustainable living, sexuality, substance abuse, feasting/fasting, and a variety of Christian doctrines (humanity, creation, sin) and theological themes (docetism, ascetism, to name a few).
• The end goal in all of this?
• To develop a healthy, personal spirituality that can hold in check the powerful consumer forces that vie for my deepest affections.
• To create a model that congregations can use to keep consumer forces in check, and bear faithful witness in the midst of this consumer culture.
• To graduate with my doctor of ministry degree by May 2013!

Hope you can join me on this journey, which is and always will be ongoing.

Peace in Christ! (Romans 12:1-2)